FIRE Is Not for You

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The biggest reason I think Robert Kiyosaki is a conman is that his real estate sales portal doesn’t exclude anybody. As long as you have a pulse, you’re welcome to join his real estate “seminars.” It doesn’t matter what your income is, what your credit score is, or what blue-collar skills you bring to the game. Apparently, Robert’s knowledge of real estate is so exhaustive and profound, he and his “team” can turn any well-manicured ape into a real estate juggernaut.

Thankfully, the FIRE movement isn’t nearly as scammy as Robert Kiyosaki. In fact, I can’t think of a single FIRE blogger or YouTuber who is preying on his or her audience—particularly the unsophisticated members of his or her audience.

But I do think the FIRE movement is weak on the caveat front. I should know. I used to think the FIRE movement was for everyone. But as I’ve aged, and my understanding of the FIRE movement and human nature has blossomed, I have regretfully concluded that the FIRE movement isn’t suited for all. For many if not most Americans, the FIRE movement is a waste of time, and we in the FIRE community have a duty to point this out. In other words, we have to be upfront with our respective audiences and explain why some members of our respective audiences have no business being members of our respective audiences. The chances of them achieving FIRE are shockingly small.

As a public service then, I’ve devised five questions to gauge your suitability for the FIRE movement. If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, the FIRE movement ain’t for you.

Do You Live in a Glamorous City?

The cost of living in cities such as New York, Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Francisco is just too dear relative to the median incomes found in these cities. If you live in a glamorous city, and you’re the average schlub, the gap between your monthly take-home pay and your monthly expenses will be too small to ever save and invest your way to accumulating 25 times your annual living expenses.

Do You Have Subpar Self-Control?

If you can’t cross your legs or keep it in your pants, you will fornicate yourself into living paycheck-to-paycheck or worse. If you can’t subdue your inner party animal, you will drink or drug yourself into either professional purgatory or unemployment. If you can’t control your appetite for stuff, your paycheck will always be wanting and you will be laden with debt.

Permissiveness equals slavery. If you can’t say “no” to yourself and are utterly dismal at delaying gratification, you will never be able to save and invest, and you will be working for the man until you die.

Do You Lack the Brains and Drive to Reach the Middle Tier of a Good-Paying Occupation or Field?

The higher income you have the easier it is to create a gap between your monthly take-home pay and your monthly expenses. To have a shot at FIRE, you have to at least reach the middle tier of a good-paying occupation or field. A lieutenant in the police department, for instance, earns significantly more than his or her patrolman counterpart and thus has a much better shot of creating that FIRE-friendly gap mentioned in the first sentence of this section.

If your best shot of earning a higher wage is a higher minimum wage, you’re screwed. Fifteen dollars an hour is far short of a FIRE-friendly wage. To even consider giving FIRE a try, you better have a spouse, and you and your spouse better live in an unglamorous city and each have the brains and drive to earn at least $30 per hour.

Do You Crave Superficial Social Status?

If you’re that guy or gal who has to impress others with the price tags on your stuff, the FIRE movement can’t help you. You need a therapist.

Millionaires next door don’t drive Lamborghinis. They drive Camrys. And if you can’t handle appearing ordinary, your irrepressible quest for superficial social status will overwhelm your ability to save and invest. You will forever be fashionably broke.

Do You Expect the Government to Save Your Ass?

The mooching class faces a very thorny problem. The productive class is fed up with the irresponsible and lazy and their enablers in Big Education, Big Journalism, and Big Entertainment. Moreover, the productive class has absolutely no faith in the ability of the government to rescue the irresponsible and lazy from their self-destructive folly. The productive class, therefore, has no stomach for expanding the welfare state. It will fight tooth and nail to stop its expansion.

FIRE is not for the passive. You have to get off your ass and earn more—by working more hours or acquiring more economically valuable skills—and you have to figure out how to spend less—by engaging that formidable mass of neurons between your ears. But if you expect the government to save your ass and allow your life to remain on easy mode, you will be severely disappointed. As already noted, the fed-up productive class is roughly half the electorate. A “new and improved” New Deal or Great Society isn’t happening anytime soon. And if the welfare state somehow manages to expand on the margins, little if any of that extra largesse will be falling into your hands. That extra largesse, like most government largesse, will be gobbled up by corporate America and other members of the Donor Class.

FDRL Movement

The FIRE movement will always be a niche movement. There just aren’t enough Americans who can answer “no” to all five of the above questions. If you want to be the cult leader of a truly massive movement, start the FDRL movement.

FDRL is pronounced fid-rell and it stands for Financial Dependence Retire Late (If Ever). And the proponents of this movement will have one overriding principle: The world revolves around financial losers. Financial losers are under no obligation to change their financially destructive ways. If they want to watch Tik-Tok videos all day, have kids they can’t afford, and pursue $100,000 sociology degrees, that’s their right. The only things they’re obligated to do is to complain incessantly about how rigged the system is and vote, preferably by mail, for socialism.

And if you do decide to start the FDRL movement and become its cult leader, I have the perfect name for you: Mr. Moocher Man-Bun.

Doesn’t Mr. Moocher Man-Bun have a nice ring to it? I think so. And here’s the perfect logo for that nom de plume:

Final Thoughts

Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. Let me know what you think of this searingly insightful post when you get a chance. Peace.