Dump Privilege Envy Syndrome and Get Yourself Some Bootstrap Mentality

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Today I have a special treat for you—a guest post from Laurie Blank. Laurie is a super writer with a new blog, Great Passive Income Ideas. She’s an honest, upstanding woman who has been a good friend to Mrs. Groovy and me, and I’m so proud to feature her today. Take it away, Laurie!

When I started my first blog back in January of 2013, I wrote an article sharing how my mom went from a welfare mom to a “career” woman who was able to retire at 62.

I got a few naysayers in the comments section that lambasted my post, saying that not everyone can do what my mom did, and how dare I suggest they did!

Until I read the groovy post on Privilege Envy Syndrome a few weeks ago, I didn’t have a name for this societal problem.

Yes, we have a societal problem here. The problem is that too many people forego the Bootstrap Mentality for the ease of Privilege Envy Syndrome.

I get it. It’s a whole lot easier to ride on some cockamamie theory that allows us to rest on our excuses as opposed to working our tails off. And I speak from experience.

My Mom’s Bootstrap Journey

Let me start by explaining a bit about my mom. The year was 1978 and I was 11 years old. My parents sat us down to tell us they were getting divorced.

For me, it was like those movie scenes where something happens and the camera pans out at warp speed, suddenly transitioning to a time way in the future where you see the future effects of the life-changing event.

And the event would affect me for decades, both as a child and as an adult. I suffered from a major case of rejection and self-pity for a lot of years.

My mom was a stay-at-home mom with zero education who hadn’t worked in 15 years. My dad was obligated to pay (and paid faithfully) a monthly child support stipend of $300.

Our house payment was $250.

As you can imagine, that left us with nothing. $50 a month to cover utilities, food, transportation, clothing, etc.

We was po’. Real po’. In fact now, when people unjustly complain about money to her, my mom says “I been poor, and this ain’t it.” It’s our classic family mantra to give us giggles over not-so-fondly remembered times.

My mom eventually went down to the local welfare office where she got signed up for monetary assistance and food stamps. This helped a LOT. And I’m thankful the system is in place for those who truly need it.

From Welfare to Worker

Mom struggled with serious depression for the first couple of years after the divorce. A lot of true depression, a lot of self-pity, and a lot of burying her head in the sand.

Eventually, she got sick of living on welfare and decided to do something about it. I remember going to a neighborhood garage sale with her, where she picked up a circa 1920’s typewriter.

She hadn’t typed since the 10^th grade, but she bought the used typing book that came with it and freshened up her skills in a big way.

Then she went down to the local welfare office and asked them to help her find a job. Mind you, we didn’t have a car in those days.

We’d walk the mile to the grocery store and bring our goods back home in a little kids’ wagon. In the wintertime, we’d splurge and take a cab home, or ask a friend for a ride.

The point is that it wasn’t easy for mom to get anywhere. She relied primarily on the public bus system.

Mom didn’t qualify for much workwise, but she tried a few assembly jobs and a couple of office jobs. They wrote her off as “too stupid” and fired her.

Mom has a heart of gold but very little confidence. She was often told she was stupid growing up and owned that title for a lot of years. That made it hard for her to comprehend new concepts and learn things.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)

After she got fired from a few jobs, she fell back into depression and self-pity and was at home again for several months.

Eventually, she bucked up and tried again. She found a job at a small insurance agency. The owner had a heart for people in my mom’s situation and liked to hire single moms. She worked for him for several years (7 maybe?) until the IRS came in and shut him down for some unscrupulous business dealings.

Mom was shocked, as were the others that worked there. They were also out of a job.

Mom scoured the want ads in search of another job.

Again, she went through a few jobs being fired for being “stupid”. She finally found another job at another insurance agency doing similar work to her other job. And she made a commitment to herself: “Change your financial situation”.

Hard Work Brings Financial Change

As my mom continued to bootstrap her way out of poverty, we eventually saw changes at home. Mom got her driver’s license (nope, she didn’t have it before). We got a car. A piece of crap 1970’s bondo-covered Chevy Vega (it cost $50 and mom says that was too much), but it was a car and we felt pretty cool not having to walk to the grocery store anymore.

Eventually, her income increased and she started having nicer cars. She bought a couple of modest new ones and paid them off in three years.

None of this was easy for her. Being fired over and over again for being “dumb” wasn’t easy. Learning new skills wasn’t easy. Struggling financially even after working wasn’t easy. But she frickin’ did it anyway.

Financial Change Brings Security

At 62 my mom was laid off from her second insurance job. She was scared and devastated but luckily, she’d built up somewhat of a nest egg.

She had started contributing to a 401k after starting this second insurance job. Even though her pay maxed out at $17 an hour, she had amassed a $60k 401k nest egg by living super frugally and saving.

She got married too (in 1988) and that helped. They kept (and still keep) their money separate and split the bills 60/40 since he makes more than she does.

When she got laid off at 62, she decided to retire. Now 74, she’s still retired, living frugally and doing things she loves like hanging out with friends and spending time with family.

She still hasn’t gone through that $60k nest egg. She lives on a small social security stipend and a few hundred dollars a month from the 401k, sticking to a super strict budget.

Mom started out with nothing; no education and no driver’s license. But she bootstrapped her way off welfare and into retirement at 62.

What I Learned from My Mom

So, in January of 2018, I unexpectedly separated from my husband of 21+ years. I’d been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of four kids. My ex’s on and off journey with verbal and emotional abuse, alcohol and other addictions grew to a dangerous level and I had to leave him for our safety.

Here I was, determined to never repeat my mom’s journey, but I did in many ways. I and my four kids were now largely dependent on my ability to make income. I’d had a small income from freelance writing (roughly $15k a year), hadn’t worked outside the home in 15 years, and had no financial security.

While married, my now ex-husband assured me he’d always take care of me and held all retirement accounts, etc. in his name. Things change. Moral: Women, don’t look for a knight; teach yourself how to wield a sword instead.

The ensuing divorce was nasty and involved an order for protection and a close relationship with the local sheriff’s office.

Fifteen months later karma won and I was awarded child support and a small alimony stipend, as well as half of the assets in the form of the equity in the house.

I was left with $55k in consumer debt from lawyer bills, half of the consumer debt we had accrued while married, and debt from surviving off my income as I worked to gain more.

I got my real estate license and increased my freelance writing income. I also started a blog with a business partner to help bring in more money. And I started investing in crowdfunded real estate—my first step toward creating a passive income/FIRE lifestyle.

The Privilege Envy Lifestyle is Definitely Easier

I get that the bootstrap thing isn’t easy. In fact, in many ways it sucks. I’ve had plenty of days where I’ve wallowed in Privilege Envy Syndrome over the last year and a half. It sure is tempting. And it’s easier.

When that happens, I make a goal of just doing one thing. If I can do one thing, I tell myself, I can lock myself in my room and cry for the rest of the day.

Things are getting better every day here. There’s still therapy sessions and PTSD and depression ramifications for me and the kids. I still have those days where I’m reeling from the events of the past year and a half.

I still have the crying days. But I remember my mom’s example and pull myself up by the bootstraps to the best of my ability. For my kids. For me. And for my mom.

You DESERVE the bootstrap mentality, and I know you can adapt it. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. It’s not the easy road. But it’s the road that will help you get to FIRE or whatever else.

Summary

Yes, there are some people that really cannot do for themselves. Those are the people we help and support permanently, whether via ministries and nonprofits or via the government.

But I venture to say that the vast majority of us simply need to get off our duffs, rid ourselves of Privilege Envy Syndrome and get a Bootstrap Mentality. Life really is better there.

What say you?

Laurie Blank is a blogger, freelance writer, and mother of four. She’s psyched about teaching others how to create passive income sources like she’s done, so they can live the dream too. She shares powerful insights on her blog, Great Passive Income Ideas, that will show you how you can create passive income sources of your own.