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(A Play in One Act)
Characters:
Mr. Groovy Mid 50s, blogger, husband to Mrs. Groovy
Mrs. Groovy Mid 50s, blogger, wife to Mr. Groovy
Setting: The play takes place in Mr. and Mrs. Groovy’s home office.
Act I, Scene 1
It’s late at night. Mr. Groovy sits alone hunched over computer, typing. Groovy Cat is sitting on sofa behind him. Lights rise as Mrs. Groovy enters from stage left.
Mrs. Groovy
(Walks over to Mr. Groovy at desk)
Let’s see what you got.
Mr. Groovy
OK
(Rises, goes to sofa. Sits down and pets Groovy Cat)
Mrs. Groovy
(Takes seat at desk. Sits silently for a few seconds while reading computer screen)
What the hell does “attack on my substance” mean? Is this Shakespeare?
Mr. Groovy
No. it refers to a complaint written in the Declaration of Independence about King George III.
(Mrs. Groovy stares at him blankly)
It talks about how he sent out his officers to harass the general public and “eat out their substance”.
(Mrs. Groovy continues to stare at him blankly)
It means the British government was taking everything away from private citizens.
Mrs. Groovy
If you keep insisting on being intellectual you’re going to put people to sleep.
Mr. Groovy
It’s OK to enlighten people you know.
Mrs. Groovy
Yes, but this is a bit of a stretch for a personal finance blog. How about putting a link to an explanation for those of us who don’t read the Declaration of Independence on a daily basis?
Mr. Groovy
(Sighs) OK. I suppose if you don’t get it, most people won’t.
Mrs. Groovy
No, they won’t. (Pauses a few seconds) So how’d you do with answering your comments?
Mr. Groovy
I haven’t done any yet.
Mrs. Groovy
I don’t understand why that gives you so much trouble.
Mr. Groovy
I can’t think of the right things to say. You’ve read them. You know how deep and meaningful some of the remarks are. Take Penny for example. I can’t match her vocabulary.
Mrs. Groovy
You’re being too hard on yourself. No one is expecting you to say meaningful things in your responses. You’ve already written a great post. And people have cared enough to read it and leave a comment. You just need to thank them. Be conversational. Be charming.
Mr. Groovy
I can do charming.
Mrs. Groovy
I know you can, baby.
Mr. Groovy
(Smiles) Come here and give me some sugar!
(Mrs. Groovy rises, goes over to Mr. Groovy. He stands and they kiss. Lights fade to black)
**********************************
ACT I, Scene 2
It’s mid-evening the next day. Lights rise on Mrs. Groovy seated at desk. She’s just staring at the computer with her hands in her lap. Groovy Cat is lying on the sofa. Mr. Groovy enters from stage left, sits on sofa, and pets Groovy Cat.
Mr. Groovy
You haven’t finished yet?
Mrs. Groovy
I’m almost done. I’m thinking.
Mr. Groovy
You just needed to shape that one section. What’s so hard?
Mrs. Groovy
It’s not that hard. My brain is just fried from working all day at my stupid job.
Mr. Groovy
I work all day too. You don’t see me complaining.
Mrs. Groovy
I know. You’re a martyr. (pauses) C’mon, you know your work situation is less idiotic than mine!
Mr. Groovy
True. You got me there. You need to take it less seriously. Less than seven months to go! Only a few more months and then it’s FREEDOM baby! Just keep your eye on the prize.
Mrs. Groovy
I will. (pauses) I’ll be done in an hour. I promise. You think you can stay awake until 9:30 for a change?
Mr. Groovy
Very funny. I’ll just sit here until you finish.
Mrs. Groovy
If you’re going to fire up one of your podcasts, you better go downstairs so I don’t get distracted.
Mr. Groovy
Yes, dear.
(Mrs. Groovy hunches over computer and begins to type while Mr. Groovy sits back and begins to
doze off. Lights fade to black.)
**********************************
ACT 1, Scene 3
It’s morning, the next day. Lights rise on Mr. Groovy hunched over computer, typing. There’s no sign of Groovy Cat.
Mr. Groovy
(Loudly) I’ll be ready for you to proof read this in around ten minutes. I’ve got it scheduled to post at 8:55am.
Mrs. Groovy
(Entering from stage left) What’s this one about? I forgot which one you’re doing today.
Mr. Groovy
Oh, it’s another one of my political rants.
Mrs. Groovy
(Sarcastically) Wonderful! Do you think after this you can get politics out of your system for a while? Like maybe go the next 10 posts without mentioning it? We’re supposed to be writing about personal finance.
Mr. Groovy
(Pauses) Have I told you lately you’re beautiful?
Mrs. Groovy
You’re an idiot.
Mr. Groovy
Yes, I’ll keep a lid on the political stuff after this one.
Mrs. Groovy
Good.
(She notices computer screen now, pulls up ottoman and sits down next to Mr. Groovy)
Where’d you get that image?
Mr. Groovy
I don’t know. I searched free images in Google.
Mrs. Groovy
Seriously? How many times do we need to have this conversation? Google taking you to a site that says free doesn’t make it free. If there’s a copyright on it you can’t use it without permission or without paying a fee. Did it say “CC0 Public Domain, free, no attribution required?”
Mr. Groovy
I don’t know. No.
Mrs. Groovy
You can’t just take other people’s work and use it. What don’t you get about this?
Mr. Groovy
I’d have an easier time releasing Pentagon secrets than I have posting a freakin photo.
Mrs. Groovy
(Pauses) Let me ask you something. Do you like our home?
Mr. Groovy
Of course I do! You know that. What does that have to do with anything?
Mrs. Groovy
Well, since we’re speaking of photos, you better start taking some of our house. So you can remember it when someone sues us and takes it away from us!
Mr. Groovy
You’re nuts! Everyone posts photos.
Mrs. Groovy
They post their OWN photos or they get permission. Or they find images that are really free. I mean LEGALLY free! Or heaven, forbid—they pay for a photo service! Why can’t you grasp the meaning of intellectual property? For someone who’s so intellectual it’s a mystery.
Mr. Groovy
(Laughs) You love to mock me! Am I going to get the Mrs. Groovy five-minute lecture now?
Mrs. Groovy
Very funny.
Mr. Groovy
Oh yeah? You should hear yourself. Maybe I’ll record you some time. (He begins mimicking Mrs. Groovy) You gotta post comments. You need to find a new theme for the site. Our site looks ridiculous.
Mrs. Groovy
Well, it does look ridiculous. You gotta admit that.
Mr. Groovy
(Pauses) Yes it does. Look, when we don’t have to do our phony-baloney jobs anymore we’ll have time to figure all this stuff out.
Mrs. Groovy
I know.
Mr. Groovy
Have patience.
Mrs. Groovy
I’ll try.
Mr. Groovy
Try harder.
Mrs. Groovy
I will.
Mr. Groovy
I still need around five minutes before you proof read. Go do your hair or something. You look like a wild woman.
Mrs. Groovy
You’re an idiot.
Mr. Groovy
I know. But what does that make you? You married me.
Mrs. Groovy
A bigger idiot?
Mr. Groovy
I love you.
Mrs. Groovy
I love you too.
(Mr. and Mrs Groovy kiss. Lights fade to black)
THE END
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