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I’ll never forget Denise. She was a fellow Highway Division employee who worked in the personnel office. And she was a classic bureaucrat—semi-competent, lazy, and way too complainy and gossipy.
I liked Denise. She had a wry sense of humor and wore these very cool vintage cat eyeglasses. And because I liked her, I had no problem coming to her aid whenever she asked for help. Over the years, I created a number of databases and spreadsheets for her that made her job easier.
Up until the end of my public service career, my relationship with Denise was one way. I helped her. She never helped me. And that was perfectly fine. I never thought she’d be in a position to reciprocate. But then I got stuck making sure the annual sweeping schedule got mailed to every residential home in our municipality. I won’t bore you with the details, but part of this assignment entailed manually sticking address labels on 80,000 pamphlets. Needless to say, I couldn’t do this by myself. So every day, five or six guys from our road crews were assigned to me, and the commissioner asked every office staffer to help me out whenever he or she had some spare time.
Okay, the first day of Operation Labels arrives and I set up the road guys with labels and pamphlets. I then get a box of labels and pamphlets and begin handing them out to the office staff. Everyone’s great. Everyone’s cooperating. But then I get to Denise. And she has a freakin’ attitude. Apparently, for the first time I’ve ever known her, she has some work to do that needs to be done immediately. So I told her not to sweat it. I gave her a modest number of labels and pamphlets and told her to get to them whenever she had a chance. Hell, I even said she could leave them until the following day.
On day two of Operation Labels, before I made my office rounds, I was intercepted by the commissioner and told not to bother Denise anymore with label and pamphlet duties. Apparently, she was inundated with work. I was pissed. She didn’t run to the commissioner because she had too much work to do. She spent half her day talking crap about other people. No, she ran to the commissioner because she was a lousy POS who thought sticking labels on pamphlets was beneath her.
I’m not going to lie. This hurt. I did a lot for Denise over the years. But when it came to the one time I needed her help, she couldn’t be bothered. I never spoke to Denise again.
Thank You from a Teat-Sucking Layabout
I relayed this pathetic story of workplace drama for one overriding reason. I want you to know that I am well acquainted with the downside of gainful employment. I know what it’s like to deal with jerk-ass coworkers, bosses, and customers. I also know what it’s like to deal with a jerk-ass commute. Many a day I have sat next to a smelly slob on a bus, suffered the indignities of a traffic jam, and received the middle finger from another driver because I was doing 65 in a 55/mph zone rather than 75.
“Okay, okay, ” I hear you blurting out. “You know works sucks. Congratulations. Where are you going with this?”
Here’s where I’m going. Monday is Labor Day, and this holiday now has a lot of meaning for me. Starting this year, I became the beneficiary of Obamacare. Yes, groovy freedomists, I’m a teat-sucking layabout. The taxpayers are picking up nearly 95% of the cost of my healthcare premiums. Their bill for this year exceeds $23K. And because the taxpayers are so generous—despite all the crap they have to endure at work—my life is incredibly comfortable.
Now, I want to do two things that you rarely see from teat-sucking layabouts. First, I want to say thank you to the taxpayers. America’s working stiffs sacrifice so much for me and they don’t even know me. I am truly humbled. Second, I want to urge the taxpayers to stop. Subsidies, whether they come in the form of Obamacare or not, shouldn’t be going to the well-off. They should be going to the poor and the working class. That’s it. If you’re a taxpayer, you likely have a job, and this means you have to deal with a lot of Denises. Don’t put up with all those jerk-asses to make my life easier. Put up with them to make your life easier. Tell your congressperson to stop Obamacare subsidies for the well-off. I won’t hold it against you.
Final Thoughts
Okay, groovy freedomists, that’s all I got. Have a great Labor Day weekend and enjoy the latest episode of Talking Trash. Cheers.
Oh, I almost forgot. I decided to enter this website for a Plutus Award. I’m going for the Funniest Personal Finance Blog. Is this blog funny? I don’t know. But it’s definitely weird. You don’t see too many blogs making personal finance points with the aid of Hannibal Lecter, Dean Wormer, cheesy 80’s music, classic American art, girlie magazines, phallic acronyms, sweet transvestites, and promiscuous people. So absent a Weirdest Personal Finance Blog category, I’m stuck with the Funniest Personal Finance Blog category. If you think I’m worthy of this honor, please click the link below. Thanks.
The post is kind of funny with a message, like it! Good luck with the Plutus award registration and battle to the death (or have I been reading too much Mr 1500?)
Thanks, Team CF. However, battling to the death with Mr. 1500 terrifies me. Don’t tell me he’s also gunning for the funniest blog award.
Good on you Mr G for letting the handouts go to those who are more deserving. I don’t think many people would take the initiative to spread this news. Oh and funniest personal finance blog award? I voted and you definitely deserve it! Always loved your sense of humour in your articles!
Thank you, T. I really appreciate your kind words and support.
You’re welcome.
🙂
And I completely agree with you. In retirement, I’ll be in the same situation as you in being able to receive subsidized healthcare and I know that was not the intended purpose. We’ll see what happens…if anything happens…
I think you fit the “Funniest PF Blog” category perfectly and I 100% endorse you with my vote. Keep up the great work!
You’re the best, JW. Thank you for understanding and working. And we’ll see how Obamacare plays out over the next few years. It should be very interesting.
Oh Mr. Groovy, I was really hoping for a redemption story about Denise. Unfortunately, real life didn’t deliver. Phooey to Denise and all her ilk.
Hey, Mrs. ETT. Sadly, redemption was very rare in my corner of government. Denise, like so many employees in my municipal workplace, was totally abused by the system. Politics was so pervasive, no one got ahead based on merit. So most of my coworkers just gave up and did everything they could to avoid work.
Funniest, weirdest, grooviest – all categories that could describe what you and Mrs. G put together here!
We’re going to be layabouts during our mini-retirement this upcoming year. With little expected income, we’ll be getting insurance from the exchange and it’s definitely going to make the transition to self-insurance a lot smoother. We’ll most likely still end up paying more than I was at my last job, but I definitely understand the level that my employer was covering. I’ve seen the COBRA estimates and they are steep 🙂
Selfishly though, this is letting us pursue something we’ve wanted and will let me spend more time on Keep Thrifty – both the blog and my app – hopefully helping more people get on board with the FIRE movement. Maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better with a little dose of altruism, but whatever it is, it’s working – haha.
I hear ya, Chris. It’s definitely a conundrum. The government predicates goodies under certain conditions, and if you meet those certain conditions, you’d be irresponsible not to grab those goodies. Case in point: the home mortgage interest deduction. I don’t understand the logic of that loophole. And it certainly should be curtailed for the rich. But when I had a mortgage, I certainly took advantage of it. Likewise with Obamacare. If you make below a certain income, you’re eligible for premium subsidies. Is that fair if you have a high net worth? I don’t think so. But as long as premium subsidies are based on income and not net worth, I’m taking advantage of them.
I think it’s safe to say that we have way too many subsidies in the country. And, sadly, everyone thinks his or her particular subsidy is in the national interest. So subsidy madness isn’t going away any time soon. Sigh.
You and Mr. Freaky Frugal nailed our predicament. We can either go FIRE, or we can trudge along as wage slaves. In my mind, FIRE is much more appealing. With any luck, the work of you, Mr. Freaky Frugal, and everyone else in our community will convince more and more Americans to go the FIRE route.
Thanks for stopping by, Chris. Great contribution to our conversation. And thank you very much for your kind words. Made my day, my friend. Have a great Labor Day weekend. Cheers.
I have to say the mortgage interest deduction really bothers me. At least can’t we get rid of it for SECOND HOMES? This country spends more to subsidize the homes of the 7 million richest households than to the 55 million lowest income renters. This is effed up. I agree subsidies should go to those who need them. But when you think of the money we spend to give charity to evil corporations, your little Obamacare subsidy is nothing. So enjoy! Healthcare should be a right, not a privilege in the first world.
LOL! Even though you’re a commie and I’m a deplorable, we probably agree on 90% of the issues. I loathe crony capitalism/corporate welfare. I’m tired of protecting Europe and Japan. And I also don’t know why there are tax breaks for mortgage interest, employer-provided healthcare, and charitable giving. We have $20 trillion in national debt and every public pension in the country is severely underfunded. When is it going to stop? When we collapse like the old Soviet Union? The only chance we have is to take away the goodies going to the rich and middle class. And that isn’t too likely. Everyone thinks his or her subsidy is in the national interest. Meh.
You really almost feel like family sometimes, Mr. G – my dad calls me a commie too. : )
Haha! I love it. If all commies were like you I’d be probably be less deplorable. And you dad sounds like a pretty cool dude, BTW.
Post and videos like these today, are why I already voted you for Funniest PF Blog. 🙂 Hope you and Mrs. Groovy have a great weekend!
What about Farah Fawcett? A favorite of my brothers.
Ah, Amy. You made my week. And I love that you remembered Farah. We named one of our dogs in honor of Farah. My brother was a big Farah fan and had her iconic poster over his bed. I was into brunettes for some reason when I was young, so I went with Jaclyn as my favorite angel.
Jaclyn was my favorite angel too, so classy and beautiful.
We here at Team Waffles were also on Obamacare for a brief stint due to changes in work status, guess we were layabouts as well. Cheers to that!
Haha! Layabouts of the world unite!
Mr. Groovy I applaud your teat-sucking layabout honesty
I try to be brutally honest with myself for two reasons. First, it’s important for me to realize that I’m not all that. A good part of my comfort is the result of taxpayer pain. And I need to be eternally humble and grateful for that. Second, depending on coerced charity is never wise. At some point, and I hope it’s soon, the taxpayers will say “enough.” Thanks for stopping by, Steve. I really appreciate your kind words.
Ah Denise. So painful. You think some people would be willing to take 10 minutes out of their day to help…but alas habits die hard.
I agree regarding subsidies but then the government would have to be able to assess your total net worth. I suppose they could factor capital gains that you report in tax returns…complicated but doable
So true, DDD. The only way to fairly dole out Obamacare subsidies is to require every tax return to include a net worth calculation. And the cost of that record keeping would very likely exceed the cost of Obamacare subsidies. I think it might be easier to make healthcare insurance irrelevant by making healthcare affordable via price transparency and competition. Meh. Until that happens, though, there’s always medical tourism. Thanks for stopping by, my friend.
Ha! I’m also a teat-sucking layabout.
In fact, I can do you one better. Mrs. Freaky Frugal and I are FIREd and we also use Obamacare. But our taxable income is so low that our subsidy is greater than our insurance premium. Yep, we actually make money from Obamacare. Take that!
And yeah, it is definitely messed up that Obamacare allows rich, retired people to get subsidized insurance.
To all you Wage Slaves, have a great Labor Day weekend! And get FIREd already. 🙂
Wow! You’re not holding anything back, Mr. FF. I love your style. And I agree. It’s far better to be FIREd than to be a Wage Slave. I hope more and more Americans come to realize this. Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Have a great weekend. Cheers.
I was giving a little tough love with the whole Wage Slave thing, but I might have gotten a little carried away. 🙂
Also, your blog is definitely funny. Stay after it!
Nah, you’re good, my friend. I often remark that Americans are the most comfortable slaves the world has ever known.
I’m not surprised they did it by income than net worth.
People barely want the government to know anything at all much less the total net worth (plus they would have to have a clear set of guidelines on what counts and what doesn’t).
I’m happy that we have ACA, my sister was uninsurable because of a stupid bladder thing, but I know there are lots of things we need to do to improve it (like any bill ever passed). I’m sure most people don’t realize their employers are subsidizing their insurance.
My question back is how should we be stopping subsidies to well-off people? How should we determine other than income?
(But totally with you on stopping subsidies on other things in general. Like for businesses, kid credits, mortgage credits, etc…)
I think the whole system is f’d. But here’s the thing. The subsidy, at this very moment, is overkill for us. If we’d been going the year with a catastrophic non-compliant plan, it would cost us maybe $2,500 for the year (under normal competitive conditions) plus around $800 for our yearly physical and dermatology visits. With no subsidy, we’d be paying over $24,000 — for this?
Hey, BOAS. The two biggest flies in the ointment for healthcare are pre-existing conditions and consumer ignorance. People with pre-existing conditions shouldn’t get healthcare insurance. They’re uninsurable. They should be put on Medicare and be required to pay up to 10% of their income on Medicare premiums. To lower the cost of healthcare for everyone, however, we need price transparency and competition. Doctors and hospitals should advertise their prices. If this were to happen, consumers and insurers would have an incentive to seek out the least costly providers. Meh. But like you said, my friend, it’s a tough problem. How do we insure decent healthcare for all and keep the well-off away from healthcare subsidies? Thanks for stopping by, BOAS. I really appreciate your thoughts.
Holy crap are the pricing systems messed up! The cost estimate searching on insurance websites are a joke. I wish there was a real competition between hospital’s but at least around here there are only two companies (they like to use different names but you just need to look for their parent company logo).
It basically is the hospital monopoly and insurance monopoly screwing anyone over that can’t afford to play the game.
Not to keep defending ACA but it did a lot to protect woman’s rights and especially mom and baby rights. For example protections with breast feeding at work.
“It basically is the hospital monopoly and insurance monopoly screwing anyone over that can’t afford to play the game.”
That says it all, my friend. The healthcare-industrial complex is not our friend. And you are right about the ACA. If only we could combine the good aspects of the ACA with market-based competition and innovation, we’d be set.
I think the lack of price transparency is a huge issue. I did some digging around for a shoulder surgery this year, and even got the billing codes from my doctor before the operation. Even then, the doctor’s office had to call the third-party billing service, which could only provide a very rough estimate. And that was just for the surgery, and did not include the anesthesiologist and other services.
Two months later, and even with great insurance, I’m still getting bills.
I know that millions of people go through this every year. The inefficiency is astounding, as is the lack of predictable bills (which does not allow people to really budget).
THANK YOU, Miguel! One of the most lucid comments on healthcare I have ever read.