Three Cheers for Our Founding Fathers

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For the vast majority of history, man engaged with his fellow man according to one overriding principle: might makes right. The politically strong—whether in terms of brawn, numbers, technology, or bank reserves—had absolutely no compunction when it came to plundering the politically weak.

But then these groovy cats got together in Philadelphia in 1776 and put forth a radical idea. They had the audacity to assert that every human being had inalienable rights—even the politically weak—and the politically strong were morally obligated to respect the inalienable rights of the politically weak. They then went about the arduous task of crafting a government that would not only be energetic enough to protect the inalienable rights of all but also humble enough not to become an instrument of plunder itself. The result was the venerable U.S. Constitution, which became the “law of the land” in 1789 and enshrined the following:

• Freedom of religion
• Freedom of speech
• Freedom of the press
• Freedom of assembly
• The right to keep and bear arms
• Protection against unreasonable searches and seizures
• Protection against double jeopardy
• Protection against self-incrimination
• The guarantee of due process
• The guarantee of just compensation for any private property taken for public use
• The right of the accused to a speedy trial
• The right of the accused to an impartial jury
• The right of the accused to confront the witnesses against him or her
• Protection against cruel and unusual punishments
• Separation of power
• Checks and balances
• Enumerated powers
• State rights
• The right of people to vote for their lawmakers
• The right of people to amend the Constitution

By any reasonable measure, our Founding Fathers were the greatest champions of freedom the world has ever seen. In one fell swoop, they fashioned the only known cure to the disease of the might-makes-right era—make the protection of inalienable rights supreme and backstop that commitment with a government built to rebuff the base impulses of the politically strong. And the efficacy of their cure is beyond dispute. America didn’t become the world’s foremost economic and cultural power for nothing. It accomplished that remarkable feat because it became a breeding ground for bravado and innovation. And it became a breeding ground for bravado and innovation because the mighty were no longer almighty. In ways, both large and small, the little people had the right to tell the mighty to shove it, and a lot of little people happily exercised that right a lot.

But of course, as our progressive overlords are wont to point out, our Founding Fathers failed miserably at completely obliterating the might-makes-right era. Nevermind that our Founding Fathers were human and were therefore unable to completely resist the pull of their environment’s norms and values. And nevermind that our Founding Fathers made unbelievable strides on the inalienable rights front and the government design front and were centuries ahead of the rest of the world. The fact that they failed to abolish slavery and gender crow means—in the minds of our progressive overlords, anyway—that they were shit and must be canceled with extreme prejudice.

The Perils of Ex Post Facto Morality

Okay, by progressive standards, our Founding Fathers were terribly flawed men. But let’s not be so parochial when it comes to ex post facto morality. Let’s be a little more inclusive when it comes to conspicuous moral preening. Let’s look at some historical giants who weren’t white or Christian and see how they measure up.

By progressive standards, Muhammad, the founder of Islam, was…

• a warmonger
• a slavemaster
• a Muslim supremacist
• a pedophile
• a racist
• a sexist
• a homophobe
• and a transphobe

By progressive standards, Mahatma Gandhi, the champion of Indian independence and non-violent civil disobedience, was…

• a sexual predator and pervert
• a racist
• a sexist
• and a closet homosexual who was too chicken-shit to come out and challenge India’s centuries-old persecution of homosexuals and trans people

And by progressive standards, Martin Luther King, Jr., the civil rights giant, was…

• a serial adulterer
• a sexist
• a rape enabler
• a homophobe
• and a transphobe

Call me nuts, but it looks to me that Mohammad, Mahatma, and Martin were just as flawed as our Founding Fathers. And if that’s the case, shouldn’t they be canceled too?

Final Thoughts

Our progressive overlords would never cancel Mohammad, Mahatma, and Martin. And they shouldn’t. Ex post facto morality is just as unjust as ex post facto law.

But their selective use of ex post facto morality isn’t an accident. Our progressive overlords despise white people, free markets, and limited government, and they know the only thing standing between them and their dream of Progressive Crow and full-blown socialism is a nagging reverence for our Founding Fathers and their glorious inventions of inalienable rights and majority-constrained government.

You have a choice. You can defend our Founding Fathers and make a solemn vow that “government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from this earth.” Or you can side with our progressive overlords and their little Maoist SJWs and watch the might-makes-right era make a roaring comeback.

Choose wisely, groovy freedomist. Peace.