Three Cheers for White Privilege – Part I

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We’re barely one month into the new year, and my white privilege has been on fire. Here are three prime examples of what I mean.

The Glories of White Privilege

CVS Pharmacy Visit

On January 2, Mrs. Groovy and I went to our local CVS to pick up a prescription and a couple of electric toothbrushes. The floor associate, who happened to be black, couldn’t have been more helpful and more pleasant when we asked about CVS’s electric toothbrush offerings. And the pharmacist, who also happened to be black, couldn’t have been more helpful and more pleasant when answering questions regarding Mrs. Groovy’s prescription.

Now you might suppose that these two black employees treated us exceedingly well because they’re decent human beings who take pride in their work. But you would be wrong. Our white skin was entirely responsible for their admirable behavior. I mean, c’mon. You don’t think CVS management finds the shabby treatment of white customers acutely troublesome? It surely does, and it surely punishes employees who run afoul of this sentiment. And I’m sure there’s an Ivy-League study somewhere that proves that CVS is hardly unique, that nationwide, employers discipline their employees far more harshly for treating customers of whiteness poorly than for treating customers of color poorly.

Ah, it pays to be white. Thank you, CVS.

The Great Food Lion Food Heist

Two weeks ago Mrs. Groovy did our grocery shopping and I noticed something peculiar as I was helping Mrs. Groovy get the groceries into our car. A number of items weren’t bagged. They were scattered about the shopping cart. So I asked Mrs. Groovy why they weren’t bagged and she was dumbfounded.

Okay. Things happen. So we shrugged off this oddity and headed home. And then, when we were about halfway home, Mrs. Groovy began to wonder if she paid for those loose grocery items. There was confusion about the price of an item during checkout and that confusion may have distracted her from placing all of the items in her cart on the conveyor belt. And sure enough, once we returned home and reviewed the receipt, we realized that Mrs. Groovy failed to pay for ten items (see pictures below).

Well, needless to say, Mrs. Groovy and I returned to Food Lion and paid for the unpaid items (see receipt below). But what would have happened if Mrs. Groovy were black rather than white? Would the cashier have been so trusting? I could be wrong, of course, but I’m sure Food Lion management instructs its cashiers to be much more vigilant about customer “forgetfulness” when the customer is black rather than white.

See what I mean about it paying to be white? If I were a dishonorable white person, I could have gotten $28 worth of groceries for free. So thank you, Food Lion.

Lithium Stock Explosion

Finally, way back in 2013, Mrs. Groovy and I invested a nice chunk of money in a lithium company. Well, thanks to a variety of factors—Tesla is on the precipice of humbling the internal combustion engine, the outgoing Trump administration gave final approval to our lithium company’s mining operation in Nevada, and the Biden administration hasn’t been shy about its plans to push green energy technology bigly—that investment is now paying off spectacularly. In the past three weeks alone, the value of our lithium stock has shot up way more than Mrs. Groovy and I have ever made in a whole year of gainful employment—combined. And if I told you the exact amount, Mrs. Groovy would kill me.

“Okay,” I hear you blurting out. “You hit a grand slam with a lithium stock. How the heck is that an example of white privilege?”

Great question. Here’s the answer.

First, the only reason Mrs. Groovy and I invested in lithium in 2013 was because I read an article in the MIT Technology Review that predicted there would be a severe lithium shortage should electric cars and green energy take off. Now, of course, anyone could have gone online and read this particular article as well. But how many people of color were visiting the MIT Technology Review in 2013? Things may be different today, but back then, the MIT Technology Review was clearly geared toward white readers. White privilege thus gave me and Mrs. Groovy a leg up on a great investment opportunity.

Second, knowing that lithium was a great investment opportunity was one thing, having the money to invest in lithium was another thing. And having enough play money to invest in a lithium company that was trading for sixteen cents a share on the OTC market was still another thing. Bottom line: Mrs. Groovy and I were strong enough financially to take a flier on a two-bit lithium company and that financial strength was clearly the result of white privilege. After all, how many couples of color back in 2013 were completely debt-free, enjoyed a household income that was twice the national median, and had money to burn?

Finally, third, our lithium stock did squat for eight years. Think about that. Eight years! Who the heck has the luxury of letting the equivalent of a middle-class salary sit idly for eight years while inflation slowly pecks away at its value? Not many people of color, that’s for sure.

If our indifference to eight years of forlorn returns doesn’t smack of white privilege, I don’t know what does.

Stop Being a Sheep for Our Progressive Overlords

I am, of course, mocking the concept of white privilege. And I will forever mock it because it’s a scam. It’s only purpose is to make guiltless white people feel guilty so they become less vigilant about their freedom.

Just how progressives effect white guilt is an ingenious two-step process.

First, progressives define privilege in such a way that everyone is guilty of having it.

According to progressives, privilege exists whenever a person benefits from an unearned advantage. They make no distinction between an unearned advantage that comes at the expense of someone’s inalienable rights (i.e., someone getting into an elite college with subpar grades and test scores because the elite college can legally discriminate in favor of that someone’s skin color) and one that doesn’t (i.e., someone being born into a loving two-parent household, or someone being born with great looks, talent, or drive). And because they don’t make a distinction between unethical and ethical unearned advantages, everyone in America thus possesses some kind of “privilege.” After all, just being born in the United States, one of the richest countries on earth, is a tremendous “unearned advantage.”

Then, second, progressives only shame certain people for having privilege.

In many jurisdictions in America, it’s legal to discriminate in favor of blacks, Hispanics, and women. Affirmative action in college admissions is a perfect example of this. Black and Hispanic applicants get bonus points just for having the right skin color or the right ethnicity. And in a number of occupations, women don’t have to meet the same physical requirements as men (see here, here, here, and here).

My point here is not to throw shade on blacks, Hispanics, and women for receiving preferential treatment. My point here is to show that “privilege” is hardly the exclusive province of white males. Now a question. Even though blacks, Hispanics, and women benefit from unearned advantages as well, and some of these unearned advantages make a mockery of the equal protection clause of the Constitution, how often is “black privilege,” “Hispanic privilege,” or “female privilege” bandied about in our classrooms, newspapers, museums, concert halls, board rooms, and legislative chambers, or on our stages, radios, televisions, computer screens, and social media apps? It certainly happens. You’re seeing it on this blog right now. But because progressives dominate our nation’s most important institutions, the vast majority of privilege being bandied about in the public square today is either “white privilege” or “male privilege.” And the reason for this double standard is simple: Progressives don’t want blacks, Hispanics, and women to feel ashamed of themselves. They do, however, want whites in general and white men, in particular, to feel ashamed of themselves.

In part two of this two-part series, I’ll further explain why the concept of privilege is a scam and why privilege-shaming white people is so critical to the socialist agenda being pushed by our progressive overlords. For now, though, I want to end this post by making an important observation. Take a look at the below video. How British citizens react to the blowhorn guy at the 1:20 mark of the video is both funny and terrifying.

Well, we’re no better than these British sheep. Our progressive overlords decree that “white privilege” is a thing and we meekly go along. We don’t question the decree, we don’t tell progressives to eff off, we just accept it. And thanks to this abject surrender, our more gullible sheep of color now enthusiastically strut their “moral superiority” and harass white people for being white, and our more gullible sheep of whiteness now enthusiastically prostrate themselves before our progressive overlords and beg for forgiveness for being white.

Wake up! Our progressive overlords were not born booted and spurred and you, providing you’re a member of the great unwashed, were not born with a saddle on your back. In other words, you don’t have to submit to whatever insanity our progressive overlords dream up—be it the insanity of non-binary pronouns, be it the insanity of biological men competing in women’s sports, or be it the insanity of white people needing to be ashamed of themselves if they grew up in a loving two-parent household, got good grades, and became productive members of society.

Final Thoughts

Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. Stay tuned for part two. In the meantime, let me know what you think of part one. Peace.