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Here’s a shocker for you: Be around someone long enough and he or she will unveil habits and beliefs that will grate mightily upon your sensibilities.
Well, I’ve been married to Mrs. Groovy for nearly 18 years now, and I must admit that—even though she’s fabulous—she does and says things that I find, shall we say, peculiar. Here, for instance, are three such peculiarities that immediately come to mind:
- She doesn’t close drawers and doors all the way.
Pantry doors ajar 
Kitchen drawers ajar - She doesn’t place cleaned dishes on the dish mat in an orderly fashion.
Really? - And, finally, she doesn’t believe that Jeffery Epstein killed himself.
Just a few short years ago I couldn’t handle spousal peculiarities like these very well. I would allow them to roil my calm and let slip the dogs of anxiety. But now, thanks to a concerted effort to become more rational, I no longer sweat such petty annoyances. In fact, I actually find them quite amusing. And the trick I use to behave more rationally is amazingly simple: Whenever Mrs. Groovy says or does something that roils my calm, I step back and answer three fundamental questions.
Is Mrs. Groovy a good person? Yes.
Is Mrs. Groovy a loving wife who treats me with respect? Without a doubt.
Is Mrs. Groovy devoted to the success of Team Groovy? F*cking-A.
I got a great thing going here with Mrs. Groovy. And it makes absolutely no sense to jeopardize that great thing by being a petty jerk-ass. What will it matter ten years from now if a drawer is left open today? What will it matter ten years from now if washed dishes are piled haphazardly on a dish mat today? And what will it matter if Mrs. Groovy never believes that the systems created to ensure the safety of a high-profile prisoner all just happened to spectacularly fail at the precise moment said high-profile prisoner decided to commit suicide? The truth of the matter is that these things don’t matter at all. And only a fool allows immaterial things to roil his or her calm.
Final Thoughts
Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. What say you? I say spousal peculiarities, providing they don’t sour your answers to our three fundamental questions, are things that you should lovingly tolerate and ignore. Peculiarities, after all, are what make a spouse a spouse and not a maid or a butler. But maybe I’m nuts? Maybe spousal peculiarities are akin to “grains of sand” in your relationship “shoe” and need to be addressed without fail? Let me know what you think when you get a chance. Peace.
I especially agree with Mrs. Groovy on #3 LOL.
But I’m with you on the other 2 🙂
The older I get, the more I try to let go (therapy and meds may be needed some days ha!). Kids (even when they are grown!) make it hard. Nobody does it like I would do it….they all lived with me daily so I’m pretty sure I’m not as smart as I thought. My own father probably had the same “they don’t do it like I would” mantra when I was 19.
If you have someone on your team no matter what…you are blessed. I have that, and it sustains all the other stuff in life.
“If you have someone on your team no matter what…you are blessed. I have that, and it sustains all the other stuff in life.”
Wow, Marlena! What a beautiful sentiment. I going to have to remember that. Thank you.
The not closing doors and drawers would drive me INSANE.
But I’ve been single for the last 2 decades so things like that aren’t an issue – when you’re single every habit you have is utter perfection!
We are definitely kindred spirits, FDJ. Up until a few years ago, I would go into Mrs. Groovy’s bedroom and close all of the open drawers I found there. But now I let it go. Marriage, if anything, is the delicate art of compromise. And she does a lot of compromising with me. It’s only fair I return the favor.
May i recommend “The Matchbreaker” (on Netflix) about a guy who is hired by parents to separate their daughters from undesirable boyfriends. He is immune from romance because years before he met the perfect girl and finds flaws in all others. His modus vivendi is to befriend the target girl and pointing out her boyfriend’s flaws. Thus he engineers the desired breakup. This works fine until he is hired to engineer Ms. Perfect’s breakup. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Matchbreaker) The moral of this movie dovetails quite nicely with your post’s thesis.
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Thanks for the recommendation, Steve. We’ll check it out.
I’ve been married over twice as long as you and I can’t really think of anything much that bothers me about my bride. She’s the better person in virtually every category. She even cuts the grass. She’s my fishing, distance running, hiking, skiing, off roading, tennis and pickle ball partner and can beat me at most of those. I found more quibbles early in our relationship, but after 41 years of marriage , like you, I focus on the good things.
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I love it, Steveark. It looks like we really lucked out. We both married up–way up!
The open drawers – it’s endearing in our house, like a reminder that another person was just in that room. Also, it sounds like we need a response post from your wife on her pet peeves too!
Awesome comment! I’ll never frown upon an open drawer again. It’s not evidence of an aesthetic faux pas. It’s evidence that a loved-one was just in the room. Love the way your mind works, Kim. Bravo.
So true. Every one of us has traits that others adore or cringe at. The world is a much better place when we don’t let the petty things annoy us or influence how we treat other people. I’d love to hear what Mrs. Groovy notices about you!
So glad to oblige you and Kim!
To name a few things, Mr. Groovy has a nasty habit of not finishing things he starts. He gets them 95% done and then I have to harangue him on the last 5%. Case in point, we had a nail hole in the wall from moving a picture. He caulked it and sanded it two months ago, but still hasn’t painted it. And, one of the first things I asked him to do in our new house was line our kitchen drawers and shelves. We have a lot of them. I was lucky if he did 2 a day. It took months. Meanwhile, he was working on his garage the rest of the time. BUT he’s much better than he was in our last house.
Another pet peeve is that he turns his shirts inside out when he takes them off, and puts them in the hamper that way. So I have to turn them right side out. Usually they’ve been sweaty and harden like paper mache. I’m lucky I don’t knock my eye out when I toss them in the laundry. But I’ve learned to live with it. I used to put his dirty shirts back on his bed until he’d get the idea to straighten them out. But I don’t bother now.
Yep. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If only I figured that out in my 20s. I’d be so much more awesome today! And, yes, as Mrs. Groovy so eloquently expressed in her comment, I have a number of foibles that I working on. Hopefully, Mr. Groovy 3.0 will have those bugs fixed. Cheers.
HA! I don’t always close doors/drawers all the way either. It’s not a big deal. Fortunately, my wife doesn’t care that much. The big problem for us is that I can’t find anything. She’s hiding things from me. I have to call her when I need to find curry powder or our cat’s nail clipper, etc… But I think that’s pretty common, right?
LOL! I love it, Joe. You reminded me of another of Mrs. Groovy’s foibles: She never seems to designate one spot for anything–especially kitchen gadgets. One day the corkscrew is in the drawer to the left of the sink. Then next day it’s in one of the drawers on the island. I used to get upset about her placement inconsistencies. Now I just laugh. Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Cheers.