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For at least two generations now, our woke overlords have had cultural hegemony. They dominate Big Education, Big Journalism, Big Entertainment, Big Tech, Big Business, and Big Government—that is, they dominate our country’s most influential thought-shaping institutions. Our woke overlords are thus largely responsible for how we Americans think and behave.
But the impressive rise of woke America hasn’t exactly corresponded with an equally impressive rise in the fortunes of America. In fact, it’s just the opposite. The rise of woke America has actually corresponded with the fall of the American empire. We see this internationally, of course, as more and more countries become better than us at providing healthcare, higher education, housing, safety, and opportunity. But more importantly, we see this domestically. The typical American today is hardly an example of what heights the human species can soar to. I gaze at him or her and I don’t see anything approaching excellence. I see an overweight financial boob who would have a very hard time fending for himself or herself without government handouts, prescription drugs, and cheap Chinese-made goods.
How is this possible? Aren’t our woke overlords the wisest and most virtuous people to ever walk on this planet? Wouldn’t America be the land of the thin, flush, and independent rather than the land of the fat, broke, and dependent if our woke overlords were as brilliant and caring as they congratulate themselves for being?
The sad truth of the matter is that our woke overlords are the worst elites in history. Never have so few destroyed so much and thought so highly of themselves. The only good thing to come out of the rise of woke America is that the bar for outstanding is now so low, anyone with a modest amount of drive and discipline can become a freaking rock star.
Okay, with that depressing observation from the previous sentence now on the table, here are five ways to be outstanding in woke America.
Be Thin
According to our woke overlords, one can be healthy at any size. And, sadly, a solid majority of Americans have decided to test this theory by embracing their inner fatty.
If you want to be outstanding in America today, all you need do is have a BMI under 25.
Be Strong
Check out the following three videos.
Man, have we fallen! I’m a soon-to-be 62-year-old man and can easily do more pull-ups than 99 percent of America’s 20-year-olds.
If you want to be outstanding in America today, meet any one of the following very modest benchmarks for strength:
- Do five consecutive full range-of-motion pull-ups without any kipping.
- Benchpress your weight.
- Deadlift one and a half times your weight.
Be Competent at Your Job
How many businesses or government agencies do you come across in your daily travels that are really excellent at what they do? How many employees do you come across in your daily travels who are truly trying their best, who haven’t quiet-quit and aren’t just doing the bare minimum? Oh, sure, there are still plenty of people who take their jobs or professions seriously. But these hearty souls no longer seem to be the norm. America is rapidly becoming a sea of incompetency with little islands of competency.
If you want to be outstanding in America today, be competent at your job. Show up to work on time, play nice with co-workers and customers, and make a concerted effort to do your job well.
Be Competent with Your Finances
Your typical American today is a financial mess. Even with all the healthcare subsidies, housing subsidies, food subsidies, energy subsidies, education subsidies, and childcare subsidies, he or she is still living paycheck-to-paycheck, one layoff or life-oopsie away from financial oblivion.
If you want to be outstanding in America today, simply figure out how to spend less than you make. If you want to be a freak of nature in America today, have no consumer debt, and be able to save ten percent of your gross income.
Be Considerate of Others
Is it me, or are Americans ruder than ever? And this seemingly rampant rudeness isn’t just confined to big cities. It’s everywhere. The last two times I visited a restaurant in Franklinton, NC (population 2,456), I had to endure children running around the place like it was a playground. And their parents couldn’t have cared less. Screw the other diners! And oh my god, the warm season is now upon us. This means my senses will not just be subjected to loud, thumping music whenever I visit the Louisburg Walmart. (Louisburg has a population of 3,064, by the way.) My senses will also be subjected to the exposed underwear of sartorially-challenged young males and the exposed midriff of garishly clad obese females of all ages. Oh, joy!
If you want to be outstanding in America today, conduct yourself as if other people matter. Don’t visit violence against others. Don’t foist your music upon others. Don’t twerk in front of other people’s children. Obey the traffic laws. Shower regularly. Wear modest, appropriately-fitting clothing. And by all means, keep a civil tongue.
Final Thoughts
Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. What say you? Am I right in claiming that it’s never been easier to be outstanding in America? And if I am, how many of my benchmarks for “outstanding-ness” do you meet? Let me know when you get a chance. Peace.
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