Freedom Is Groovy

I’m Awesome Because I Love Coochie

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by

Mr. Groovy
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I suppose I should be proud of myself because I taught myself database management and programming and ended my professional career as a kick-ass data analyst.

I suppose I should be proud of myself because I have a knack for art.

I suppose I should be proud of myself because I’m nearly 62 years old and I can do 25 solid pull-ups.

I suppose I should be proud of myself because I only weigh two pounds more than I did when I received my high school diploma 44 years ago (177 vs 175).

I suppose I should be proud of myself because I renounced financial self-sabotage late in life (early 40s) but still managed to become an excellent steward of money and build an enviable amount of wealth.

I suppose I should be proud of myself because I wrote an awesome book on how to achieve financial independence in 14 years or less.

I suppose I should be proud of myself because I put together a rather engaging blog with over 500 posts.

And, finally, I suppose I should be proud of myself because I’m a much better husband, son, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, friend, and neighbor than I was 20 years ago.

Nope. I’m not proud of any of the above. The only thing I’m proud of is my sexuality. That’s right. I’m a proud heterosexual male. I love coochie. And Mrs. Groovy is a proud heterosexual female. She loves winkie. In fact, Mrs. Groovy and I are so proud of our heterosexuality, we’re going to the nearby elementary school next week and make out in front of a bunch of kids. I mean, c’mon. Nothing says pride more than subjecting innocent young kids to your sexual peccadillos. It’s all the rage.

Final Thoughts

I don’t get gay pride. What’s there to be proud of? Being gay is as much an accomplishment as being straight—which is to say it isn’t an accomplishment at all. Being gay is just an immutable trait some people are born with. It shouldn’t evoke pride or shame. But what say you? Is your sexuality something to be proud of? Or should you only be proud of doing something that is genuinely hard to do—something that requires a lot of talent and discipline? Let me know what you think when you get a chance. Peace.

Comments

17 responses to “I’m Awesome Because I Love Coochie”

  1. Michael Avatar
    Michael

    Great post sir! I too, love coochie! haha

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      Long live the coochie-loving men of America!

      Reply
  2. Melissa Osborn Avatar
    Melissa Osborn

    Truly LOL! Great post. Thank you!

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      Thank you, Melissa. Peace.

      Reply
  3. Andrew Pizzino Avatar
    Andrew Pizzino

    I believe we are often victims of the downstream, cultural effect of our entertainment, that constantly promotes less than modest public behavior

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      Amen, AP. It’s as if the main objective of our culture is to turn little girls into strippers or hookers and little boys into baby daddies or porn addicts.

      Reply
  4. Bill Avatar
    Bill

    A nice laugh break. Now, can we please take this to the next steps to uncover what, who and why we have all of this sudden in your face gay pride accomplishment?

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      The matrix—that is, woke hegemony—is real. The woke dominate every major institution in this country, and they use this power to control our thoughts. They tell us who and what we should love and who and what we should hate. Right now, “good” people love socialism, globalism, “equity,” renewable energy, laws against “hate” speech, BLM, “migrants,” strong and powerful women, lipstick-wearing men, gays, lesbians, and trans people, and “bad” people love limited government, America first, colorblindness, fossil fuels, free speech, cops, secure borders, feminine women, masculine men, people who keep their sexuality to themselves, and people who think sex is immutable. And the only way this thought control is going to stop is if we Americans unplug from the matrix en masse. We have to avoid woke education, woke news, woke entertainment, woke corporations, and woke social media with extreme prejudice. Thanks for stopping by, Bill. Awesome comment.

      Reply
  5. Mrs Groovy Avatar
    Mrs Groovy

    Speak for yourself. I love chocolate!

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      Alright. Alright. I’ll take you to Dairy Queen after we finish making out in front of the elementary school.

      Reply
    2. Steve Avatar
      Steve

      lol

      Reply
  6. Fritz @ The Retirement Manifesto Avatar
    Fritz @ The Retirement Manifesto

    Actually laughed out loud when I got down to what you’re really proud of. Hilarious post!

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      Haha! Every once in a while I come up with a good one. Hope all is well on your end, my friend. Give my regards to Jackie. Peace.

      Reply
  7. Nana Kwame Avatar
    Nana Kwame

    LMFAO! I haven’t had a better laugh in a minute. Thanks, Mr. Groovy! Keep the awesome posts coming.

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      Thank you, NK. I really appreciate your kind words. Peace, my friend.

      Reply
  8. Sherri Harrison Avatar
    Sherri Harrison

    😂😂😂love this post! So true. My very heterosexual husband and our friends feel the same way. Why do we have to hear about your sexuality? I don’t care nor do I want to know. Thank you for your posts.

    Reply
    1. Mr. Groovy Avatar
      Mr. Groovy

      Amen, Sherri. Have a great weekend.

      Reply

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