NAAFM: The National Association for the Advancement of Financial Morons

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If you think Mr. Money Mustache is a new female sex toy from the adult pleasure industry, you just might be a financial moron.

If you think the FIRE movement is the result of your bowels being lit up by a Taco Bell visit gone wrong, you just might be a financial moron.

If you think FinCon is a meet up ’57 Chevy enthusiasts, you just might be a financial moron.

If you’ve spent $100,000 and sacrificed four years of your life for a BA and all you’re qualified to do is sling fraps at Starbucks, you just might be a financial moron.

The above takeoffs on Jeff Foxworthy’s classic “you just might be a redneck” riff were partly done for entertainment value. No one could possibly mistake Mr. Money Mustache for a new female sex toy, right?  But more importantly, these takeoffs were crafted to prepare you for a discussion on a very sobering topic—the epidemic of financial moronity that is causing unimaginable pain and suffering in this great land.

How to Tell If You’re a Financial Moron

Financial moronity is a national epidemic. How else do you explain the fact that nearly one out of every two American adults couldn’t come up with $400 if they weren’t allowed to borrow? Not good. And to make matters worse, most financial morons don’t even know they’re financial morons.

Okay, let’s assume for the moment that you’re a financial moron. And let’s further assume that you have no idea you’re a financial moron. Well, in order to fix your case of financial moronity, you first have to recognize that you are indeed a financial moron. And how do you do that? Take the following test. If you answer “true” to all four of these statements, you are, without a doubt, a financial moron.

1. You have no idea what your monthly expenses are.
2. You routinely need payday loans or credit cards to make ends meet.
3. You view a minor car repair (less than $400), not as an annoyance, but as a crisis.
4. You have money for beer, video games, and cable tv but no money to contribute to an emergency fund or a Roth IRA.

Quick aside. There’s no shame in being a financial moron. We aren’t taught personal finance in school, we all inherit one or more broken financial windows from our families and communities, and our business people are the best in the world at convincing the average schnook (i.e., you and me) that the only thing separating him or her from true happiness is just one more purchase with super easy monthly payments. And, more importantly, there’s no shame in being a financial moron because I was a financial moron until I was 40 years old. So don’t beat yourself up if you happen to be a financial moron. Most of the people in this country are financial morons, and they don’t even know it. At least you know it.

The National Association for the Advancement of Financial Morons

Okay, there’s an epidemic of financial moronity in this country. What the heck do we do about it?

We form a group. We Americans are the best in the world at forming civic associations. We see an acute problem and get off our duffs and voluntarily pool our resources to fix that acute problem. With that said, I hereby announce the creation of the National Association for the Advancement of Financial Morons or NAAFM.

Since curing financial moronity is largely a personal struggle—the financial moron has to have a “come to Jesus” moment if you will—I’ve decided to adopt the small group counseling approach spearheaded by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Here is AA’s classic twelve-step guide tailored to financial moronity.

1. Honesty: We admitted we were powerless against consumerism—that our lives had become tantamount to a hamster on a wheel.
2. Hope: Came to believe that there was more to life than buying things we didn’t need and couldn’t afford to impress people we didn’t know. Only by satisfying our egos with non-consumerist things could we restore our sanity.
3. Faith: Made a decision to embrace the sound financial habits and practices advanced by the FI community.
4. Courage: Made a searching and fearless accounting of how we spent our money.
5. Integrity: Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our financial woes.
6. Willingness: Were entirely ready to live within our means and squash all impulses to chase after immediate gratification.
7. Humility: Humbly asked our family, friends, and co-workers not to sabotage our efforts to fix our financial shortcomings.
8. Brotherly Love: Made a list of all the broken financial windows we inherited from our families and communities and became willing to fix them all.
9. Discipline: Made a sacred vow to rid ourselves of credit card debt, whether we decided to attack our credit card debt with the snowball method or the avalanche method.
10. Perseverance: Continued to track our net worth and review every aspect of our financial lives if our net worth was going in the wrong direction.
11. Spirituality: Sought through continued consumption of FI-related blogs, podcasts, and YouTube videos to improve our mastery over our personal finances.
12. Service: Having had a financial rebirth as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other financial morons and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I’m Only Half Joking

This post was obviously tongue-in-cheek. But I really don’t think NAAFM and scores of local chapters holding monthly meetings is such a bad idea. Blogs, podcasts, and YouTube videos surely have their place, but I get the feeling we have reached peak FI. In other words, we’re a small group of money freaks making content that only we consume. Perhaps more boots-on-the-ground is what’s really required to get FI out of the shadows and into the mainstream.

Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. Let me know what you think when you get a chance. Peace.