Thank You Progressive Overlords

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In my life, I’ve come across a number of things that harmlessly defied the cultural norm. Here are some examples.

The Wiz came to Broadway when I was in high school. Stephanie Mills, “Ease On Down the Road,” funky monkeys—it was a wonderful African-American take on The Wizard of Oz.

When I was attending Buffalo University in the early 80s, my friends and I would occasionally head downtown to this really cool bar called Garcia’s Irish Pub. Who knew a Hispanic guy would grow up to develop a fondness for Celtic food, drink, and music?

Do you remember rappers in the 90s wearing hockey jerseys? I do, and I got a kick out of it. At the time, there were around three or four black professional hockey players on the entire planet. But that didn’t stop rap artists from having a little fun and adorning a baggy sweater that perfectly complemented their baggy pants.

I also got a kick out of blonde Beyoncé. She was gorgeous with her natural brunette hair, and she was gorgeous with blonde hair.

I never went to a reservation casino until Mrs. Groovy and I moved to North Carolina. We were vacationing in the western part of the state one fall, and one day we decided to visit the Cherokee casino. And once we got inside the casino, we saw that it was no different than the casinos we visited in Las Vegas. It offered the very same games of chance—keno, roulette, blackjack, and slots—and it surrounded those games with the very same decor and atmosphere—bells, lights, sporadic yelling, garish carpet, handsome cocktail waitresses, and smoke. I was hoping the Cherokee casino might have a game of chance peculiar to Native Americans. Perhaps something requiring the use of a tomahawk (see the video below). But my hopes were sadly dashed.

Finally, one of the best hamburgers I ever had in my life was in Australia. And it wasn’t even prepared by the typical Aussie. It was prepared by a Vietnamese-Aussie in a Vietnamese-Aussie-owned restaurant. And if you ever find yourself in Melbourne, Australia, I highly recommend you visit 1090 Burger.

Cultural Appropriation?

It never occurred to me that the “people of color” above were “appropriating” something that was “white,” and as a white person, I should be offended by it. Yes, The Wizard of Oz, Irish pubs, hockey, blonde hair, casino gambling, and hamburgers are all things that white people gave the world. But I’m not a deranged tribalist. I don’t consider anything invented by or characteristic of white people to be the exclusive province of white people. As far as I’m concerned, the whole non-white world is welcome to “appropriate” whatever “white” thing it fancies. People from one race or culture admiring something from another race or culture is a good thing.

But our progressive overlords tell us that cultural appropriation is a bad thing. I have no idea why it’s a bad thing—I attended college last century and I stopped consuming mainstream news years ago—but our progressive overlords say it is, and our progressive overlords are never wrong.

So should I start railing against people of color for appropriating white things? Hell, no. That wouldn’t go over very well. And here’s why.

First, our progressive overlords are very skilled at creating double-standards. They define a “crime” in such a way that everyone is guilty of it, and then they only prosecute the people they don’t like (i.e., white people, men, cops, the patriotic, etc.). A great example of this is the crime of “privilege”—that is, the crime of being bestowed with an “unearned advantage.” Progressives, for example, would have no problem vilifying me for having “white privilege.” I grew up in a two-parent middle-class home, after all. But progressives would never dare vilify a black person for getting accepted into an elite college via Affirmative Action. “Black privilege” isn’t a recognized thing.

Well, progressive double-standards have entered the realm of inter-group admiration. It’s perfectly cool for Beyoncé to go blonde, but white girls can’t wear big-hooped earrings. Mr. Garcia can open an Irish pub, but non-Hispanic whites better not open a burrito stand. And Native Americans can use white-invented games of chance to make a buck, but a Swedish artist can’t earn money by painting a Native-American “thunderbird” on a hockey goalie’s mask. Yep, the only thing more insane than the crime of cultural appropriation is the selective prosecution of the crime of cultural appropriation. And no sane society would tolerate such lunacy. But our society waltzed into the Twilight Zone a long time ago. And this brings me to the second reason why things wouldn’t go well for me if I began badgering people of color for appropriating white things.

Our progressive overlords enforce their double-standards with the most fanatical enforcers the world has ever known: the college-educated SJW. I liken the college-educated SJW to a real-life terminator—a PT if you will (progressive terminator). And the PT-1100, the latest PT model being pumped out by our colleges, is the most implacable PT to date. To paraphrase Kyle Reese from The Terminator movie:

The PT-1100 can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity. Or remorse. Or fear. And it absolutely will not stop—ever!—until the enemies of progressivism are crushed digitally, socially, and financially.

Not abiding by progressive double standards and calling out people of color for appropriating white things would surely make me an enemy of progressivism. So if I started an activist group, and we dedicated ourselves to shaming, say, black and Hispanic women who either dyed their hair blonde or adorned blonde weaves, you can bet your sweet bippy that the wrath of the PT-1100 would be visited upon me with extreme dispatch. The PT-1100 was specifically designed for such matters—to crush the subversive, the “unwoke.” And there’s nothing more subversive and unwoke than a boomer white dude who lives in rural North Carolina and dares to flout progressive double standards.

Quick aside: I didn’t come up with the idea of equating a group of Americans with a Hollywood cyborg. I actually got the idea from the YouTuber Tommy Sotomayor. Rather than the PT-1100, however, his nemesis is the BT-1100. What’s a BT-1100? Well, if you want to know, you’ll have to click the link provided. But be warned, the answer is not for the faint of heart.

Sarcasm Is All I Got

This is the point of the post where I would normally appeal to the intellect and conscience of my ideological foe. But such an appeal would be pointless. Our progressive overlords are too haughty and insular to ever be persuaded by the likes of me. I vote the wrong way, and I have this twisted notion that inalienable rights and content-of-character are way too important to be sacrificed on the altar of “diversity, inclusion, and equity.” When it comes to my progressive foe, then, the only real arrow I have in my quiver is sarcasm. And that’s how I’ll end this post.

Thank you, progressive overlords. The human species isn’t quarrelsome and sadistic enough. And you have used your immense cultural and political power to invent new ways for Americans to fight and torment each other. Bravo.

I particularly like the phony-baloney crime of cultural appropriation. You tell whites that they should be open to other races and cultures. And then you tell non-whites that they should be offended whenever whitey embraces something that isn’t white. That’s brilliant. Thanks to this and all the other phony-baloney crimes you’ve invented (science-denying, fatphobia, transphobia, Islamophobia, white nationalism, gentrification, privilege, opportunity-hoarding, misgendering, toxic masculinity, pink taxation, hate speech, environmental racism, systemic racism, etc., etc.), our country should be in a full-fledged civil war in no time.

Finally, given the time of the year, I would normally end this missive by wishing you a very Merry Christmas. But non-Christian progressives would surely take offense at that (being mis-religioned with the Christian religion is understandably very traumatic for a progressive). So I’ll just end things by wishing you a very belated Happy Ramadan (no non-Muslim progressive would ever be offended by that). Cheers.