Turning an Old Diet Saw into a New Financial Saw

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When I was in college, my roommate was a big proponent of the following diet philosophy:

East breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.

I don’t know why I was reminded of my old college roommate and his old diet philosophy. But I found them in my head and I began to wonder if his diet philosophy had a financial twist.

Yes, I know it’s weird, but here’s my attempt to turn an old diet saw into a new financial saw:

Invest like a king, comfort like a frugal prince, and dwell like a pauper.

Okay, let’s unwrap my new financial saw.

Invest Like a King

Even the most incompetent king should be able to invest 25 percent of his income in the market. After all, when you’re the big cheese, how hard is it to increase the gap between your income and spending? Move to a smaller castle, reduce the damsel-in-distress-rescuing budget, saddle the wretched serfs with a new phony-baloney tax—the gap-increasing possibilities are endless. So for the purposes of our new financial saw, anyone who invests 25 percent or more of his or her gross income in the market, is investing like a king.

Comfort Like a Frugal Prince

Here are just a small number of things the world’s elite from 200 years ago didn’t have:

Toilet paper
Light bulbs
Refrigerators
Coffee makers
Insulation
Plastic bags
Air conditioning
Electricity
Sewers
Smoke detectors
Fire extinguishers
Paved roads
Cars
Supermarkets
Big box stores
Anesthesia
Antibiotics
Air travel
Flat-screen televisions
Radios
Computers
Smartphones
Internet/wi-fi
Kindle
Khan Academy
YouTube

All these things are well within the means of all but the poorest of Americans. A working-class American today has far more comfort and leisure—and far more opportunity for self-improvement—than George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin ever had.

The moral of the story is it doesn’t take much money to live—in a historical sense—like a prince. So if you want to comfort like prince—that is, if you want to live better than 99.9 percent of all the princes that have ever graced this big blue marble, just live a middle-class lifestyle. And if you want to comfort like a frugal prince, just live a working-class lifestyle. Again, even though you’ll be “slumming” it, your comfort level will still be superior to the comfort level of 99.9 percent of all the princes that ever existed. And if you happen to be blessed with a middle-class income or better, you’ll be able to save and invest a ton of money.

Quick aside: One great strategy to comfort like a frugal prince is to be half-normal. Being half-normal is when you spend 50 percent less on a given item than the typical American spends. If the typical American spends, say, $32K for a new car, you pay $16K. And if you really want to comfort like a frugal prince, be third-normal or quarter-normal.

Dwell Like a Pauper

Binge-watching Netflix on your couch will feel the same whether your television and couch are sitting in a McMansion or a single-wide. The hot water from your shower will feel the same whether your shower head is attached to a wall in a McMansion or a single-wide. And, finally, your bed will feel the same whether your bed is nestled in a McMansion or a single-wide.

See where I’m going here?

Functionally speaking, there’s no difference between a McMansion in a rarefied neighborhood and a single-wide in a forlorn neighborhood. As long as they’re tidy, well-maintained, and equipped with basic utilities and amenities, they both provide excellent housing.

Now, admittingly, your ego won’t feel the same when you’re residing in a single-wide. Living in the Sunnyvale trailer park doesn’t have anywhere near the cachet of living in the Biltmore Forest subdivision. But if you’re saddled with a decent but far from opulent income, and ever hope to invest like a king, you better check your ego on the housing front. Man cannot serve two masters: look-at-me housing and tax-advantaged retirement accounts.

Quick aside: Brother Groovy is a perfect example of how financially empowering dwelling like a pauper can be. In 2010, he bought a nice single-wide in a nice trailer-park community for $18,000 cash. His lot fees and utilities combined currently run him less than $500 a month. And since he has a six-figure income, he has little trouble saving and investing like a king.

Final Thoughts

Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. What say you? Is my financial twist to an old diet saw a worthwhile contribution to the annals of the FIRE movement? Or is it lame-ass buffoonery that should have never graced this classy blog? Let me know what you think when you get a chance.

And before I go, I want to give you a quick update on the bison build. The hide on the left side of the beast is almost done (check out the photo below). My goal is to have the hide completely finished on both sides by the end of the summer. Then I can spend the fall adding fur/hair to the front half of the beast.