Are You a Character or a Loser?

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There’s a difference between someone with an asinine passion who is kind to his or her future self and someone with an asinine passion who is cruel to his or her future self. The former is a character; the latter is a loser. Let me explain.

Imagine two dudes: Tom and Harry. Both are rabid Packer fans. Both are season-ticket holders. And both are compelled to adorn foam cheese blocks and Aaron Rogers jerseys whenever the Packers take the field. Yep, both have swallowed the Kool-Aid and believe football is a monumentally important endeavor.

But aside from their addiction to watching burly men in gold tights, Tom and Harry are very different.

Tom, for instance, is a successful lawyer who is thin, has a great wife and family, and devotes 25 percent of his income to saving and investing. Harry, on the other hand, is a mediocre laborer who is overweight, chronically single, and lives paycheck to paycheck.

Being a cheesehead is an asinine passion. But I don’t hold it against Tom for being one. Tom is winning at life, and winners have earned the right to be a little kooky, a little eccentric.

Now let’s turn to Harry. When I look at Harry, I see a loser. This doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, and it doesn’t mean he deserves to be treated poorly. It just means his priorities are screwed up. I want to slap him upside his head and say, “Dude, you’re losing at life. Stop worrying about the Packers and start worrying about yourself. Lose weight, get a freakin’ girlfriend, and start saving for retirement.”

It Doesn’t Take Much to Be a Winner

The good news for Harry is that it doesn’t take much to be a winner. If he would do the following, I would consider him to be a winner, and he would have license to be a cheesehead.

The Road to Thinness

You can’t out-exercise an undisciplined mouth. The best way to get thin is to fix your diet. Harry can get on the road to thinness by making bread an occasional treat and by forgoing all sugary drinks.

The Road to Attractiveness

Be Presentable

If you want to be accepted by others, don’t be a smelly slob. If Harry dedicates himself to be clean, well-groomed, and appropriately dressed, Harry will find the lady-folk more receptive to his company.

Be Strong

Women like muscles. Harry should thus play to nature and hit the gym at least two times a week.

Be Interesting

The best way to become interesting is to do something your tribe doesn’t ordinarily do. If you’re a white-collar person, have a blue-collar hobby. If you’re a blue-collar person, have a white-collar hobby. Harry can be one of the most interesting men in the room by learning Mandarian, ballroom dancing, or the piano.

The Road to Financial Success

The stock market may not have been invented for the working stiff, but it’s the best tool the working stiff has to become rich. Future Harry will be sitting pretty as long as current Harry opens a Roth IRA and contributes $500 a month to a total stock market index fund.

Final Thoughts

Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. What say you? I say having an asinine passion isn’t a god-given right. I say it’s something that must be earned, and you earn it by first getting your physical, interpersonal, and financial acts together. Peace.