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The best police are no police.
And I’m not saying that from the perspective of a blue-haired SJW. I’m saying that from the perspective of someone who understands that police are a response to moral decay. If our society were infinitely more virtuous—and the foulness of murder, rape, assault, and robbery were exceedingly rare—we wouldn’t need nearly as many police as we employ today. Moreover, the skeleton police force that did remain in virtuous America wouldn’t have to be manned by Dirty Harry types. It could safely be manned by Barney Fife types.
So how do we make America more virtuous and defund the police responsibly?
Well, for starters, you don’t look to our vaunted politicians for answers. Never in the annals of human history has there been a group of people so full of themselves and so impotent when it comes to fixing serious problems. Here, then, are five things you can do to make the police less needed.
Stop Having Kids Out of Wedlock
Check out this chart from an earlier Groovy post. What does it tell you? Well, I don’t know about you, but it tells me that single moms have a really difficult time turning uncivilized children into civilized teens and adults.
| Race/Ethnicity | Percentage of Births to Unmarried Women | Average SAT Score | Arrests Per Million of Population | Median Household Income |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Asian | 11.7 | 1223 | 3,976 | $94,903 |
| White | 28.2 | 1123 | 17,837 | $74,912 |
| Hispanic | 51.8 | 990 | 21,496 | $55,321 |
| Black | 69.4 | 946 | 38,368 | $45,870 |
Never mind the school-to-prison pipeline distraction pushed by our woke overlords. Focus your attention instead on the bastard-to-prison pipeline if you want to do your part to make America a more virtuous country. Don’t have kids out of wedlock.
Pleas to behave will not civilize children. The swift rebuke of shameful behavior by a physically dominant adult, however, will. When it comes to boys—the sex most difficult to civilize—moms lose their physical dominance over their sons just when their sons need it the most—hello, junior high. Dads don’t lose their physical dominance over their sons until long after their sons have finished junior high. It thus pays to have dads around when the morals of adolescent boys are being forged.
Stop Consuming Illegal Drugs
Most of the shootings and murders in this country are drug-related. Rival gangs are warring amongst themselves to see who controls the local drug trade.
But if people stopped consuming illegal drugs, there would be no local drug trade to war over. Shootings and murders would drop precipitously if we would all just get our highs legally. After all, we don’t see rival 7-11 owners shooting each other to see who controls late-night beer sales.
Make Yourself a Hard Target
Who is more likely to be mugged or chosen for the knock-out game? A nerdy-looking guy who’s walking down the street, totally transfixed by the screen on his iPhone? Or a muscle-bound guy with neck tattoos who’s walking down the street with a get-the-f*ck-out-of-my-way scowl firmly attached to his face?
Criminals feed off of weakness. If you want fewer of them, lift weights, learn a martial art, or arm yourself.
Our woke overlords have done a magnificent job of emasculating law enforcement. The state deterrence to crime is now in the shitter. If we want the lazy and morally bankrupt to choose honest work over crime, we have to effect that choice ourselves. And that won’t be done by being soft. Once we pose a credible risk to the life and limb of the criminally-inclined, the criminally-inclined will see the light and resign themselves to the drudgery of lawful employment.
Embrace Minimalism and Ordinaryism
What I dislike most about my 2016 Honda CRV is its appearance. It looks too good. It gives strangers the impression that I’m solidly middle class—that I have my share of valuable stuff. My previous car, a 2004 Toyota Camry, had the opposite effect. It was so forlorn and dented, it gave strangers the impression that I was a working-class loser who had little material wealth worth coveting.
Criminals aren’t stupid. They prefer rich targets over poor targets. So if you don’t want a bullseye on yourself and your property, embrace minimalism and ordinaryism. Living in a trailer or tiny home, eschewing jewelry, and driving a crummy car will not arouse the larcenous impulses of the criminal class nearly as much as living in a McMansion, sporting a Rolex on your wrist, and driving a BMW.
Be Wary of Young Men
When I was living in the dorms at Buffalo University (1979-81), and I hopped on the elevator with several of my male roommates or floormates to venture forth to class, the dining hall, or the campus bars, it was not uncommon for a lone female student on a lower floor to retrieve the elevator, and then refuse to enter the elevator once she saw it was teeming with testosterone.
Neither I nor my buddies ever frowned on this behavior. We instinctively understood that female strangers weren’t X-Men. They couldn’t peer into our souls and instantly determine if we were men of honor or despicable louts. And it’s not as if despicable louts were an anomaly on campus back then. Thanks to movies such as Blazing Saddles, Slap Shot, and Animal House, despicable louts were far too common. So females were wise to be wary of young men they didn’t know. Better to hurt male feelings than to place their physical and mental health in jeopardy.
Most of us today should heed the actions of female elevator users at Buffalo Unversity back in the day. The most violent and senseless crime in America today is mainly the province of young men between the ages of 16 and 24. If you want to lower your chances of being a crime victim, mitigate your contact with strange young men—especially late at night, and especially in environments where alcohol and drugs are being consumed profusely. And if being in the presence of strange young men isn’t avoidable, be very, very alert.
Final Thoughts
Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. What say you? Are these five good ways to defund the police responsibly? Or are they just five more examples of Groovy-inspired pabulum? Let me know what you think when you get a chance. Cheers.
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