How to Win in Socialist America

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I’m not a fan of socialism. I’ve seen it up close and personal for 21 years while working for a highway department on Long Island. And what I saw wasn’t pretty. My fellow public servants and I cared far more about our comfort and well-being than the comfort and well-being of the taxpayers. If I were forced to estimate the drag of our selfishness on our output, I would say we gave the taxpayers about 50 cents worth of service for every dollar they surrendered to us in taxes.

But why? Why did we provide such shoddy service? Were we bad people?

No, we weren’t bad people. But we weren’t saints either. We were just normal people with a normal amount of pride, industry, and virtue.

So again, why did we provide such shoddy service? Shouldn’t normal people with a normal amount of pride, industry, and virtue be able to provide more than 50 cents worth of service for every dollar they get in tribute? Wouldn’t 70 or 80 cents worth of service be a more reasonable expectation?

Sadly no. And the reason for this was simple: we lacked competition. The taxpayers couldn’t turn to another municipality for road maintenance and repair. We got their money regardless of how shoddy our service became. This lack of competition, in turn, saddled our workplace with another unhealthy feature: a decided lack of accountability. Since our revenue wasn’t predicated on the quality of our service, we could painlessly prioritize our selfish goals ahead of the selfless goals of competency and efficiency. For management, selfishness meant prioritizing the donation and vote-getting needs of the Republican Party. For labor, selfishness meant prioritizing the dodge—that is, it meant prioritizing the sordid goal of maximizing pay and minimizing work. The absence of accountability thus reduced our municipality to a citadel of ineptitude and sloth. Every year, management managed poorly. Every year, labor labored poorly. And every year, much to the chagrin of the taxpayers, raises, bonuses, and promotions were doled out like candy.

Human beings don’t do well when there’s an absence of competition and accountability. And since wherever socialism treads, competition and accountability go bye-bye, a sane society would have as little socialism as possible.

But that’s not the direction we’re headed, of course. Americans love socialism, especially young people, people of color, and migrants. So America in the not-too-distant future will be a full-blown socialist country.

Winning in a Full-Blown Socialist Country

Now a question. How does one “win” in a full-blown socialist country? In other words, how does the average Joe or Josephine secure happiness when the state frees our most important institutions from the rigors of competition and accountability and our woke overlords prioritize diversity and equity over such trivial things as competency, efficiency, paycheck freedom,* and equal protection of the law?

Simply put, the winners in socialist America will be those who master things that are 1) highly valuable, and 2) can’t be redistributed or made “equitable.” Here are five such things:

Health

You can’t redistribute push-ups and sit-ups. You can’t redistribute dietary discipline. And you can’t redistribute sobriety. Master your health—be thin, fit, and strong—and you’ll not only stand out from the crowd but you’ll also shield yourself from the abject buffoonery that will characterize our Medicare-For-All healthcare system.

Relationships

Cuddling on the couch with Mrs. Groovy while watching Schitt’s Creek, having lunch with mom and dad and Aunt Joan, getting together with the gang at Jim and Theresa’s for game night—these are just some of the everyday interactions that bring joy and meaning to my life. They are also great examples of another thing our woke overlords won’t be able to redistribute: loving, healthy relationships. So if you manage to master relationships—that is, you have a loving spouse, a bevy of loving kids, and a top-notch core of family and friends—your full-blown socialist future won’t be nearly as bleak. Your relationships will be a harbor of tranquility in a roiling sea of societal dysfunction. In them, you’ll find camaraderie, amusement, and the best DIY safety net under the sun.

Technical Skills

Under full-blown socialism, organizational incompetency will be the norm. HR departments will be far more concerned with the diversity of the workforce than with the competency of the workforce. In order to get anything done, then, organizations will be highly dependent on outside contractors. So if you want to “win” on the income front, master a skill that is valued by society and is very suited to independent contracting (think welding, plumbing, landscaping, engineering, programming, etc.). You’ll have no shortage of well-compensated work, and you won’t have to deal with all the woke nonsense that will surely be transporting the workplace to either the clown zone or the Twilight Zone. (“Yes, boss man…er…I mean, non-binary authority unit. I’m extremely sorry for being born with white skin. How can I sufficiently prostrate myself before management and my co-workers of color and keep my soul-sucking job that barely pays the bills?”)

Hobbies

When I was a young man, I sought happiness through things. All I had to do, my pedestrian brain reasoned, was wear the “right” clothes, drive the “right” car, and dwell in the “right” zip code and I would have no trouble finding happiness, respect, and love.

That strategy didn’t work out too well—for my happiness, my finances, and my love life. Mr. Groovy 1.0 was a fairly wretched soul.

But then something miraculous happened. By day, in my highway job, I picked up dead animals and shoveled asphalt. At night, however, I began to dabble in databases and programming. And after a while, I got pretty good at databases and programming. And not long after that, that hobby turned into a career. And not long after my IT career began, my happiness, finances, and love life began to soar.

You are far more likely to win the things that matter most in life by mastering a hobby than by securing things with debt. And as an added bonus, hobbies are also another thing that our woke overlords won’t be able to redistribute. I may be reviled by the SJWs in the FIRE community, but regardless of how much they loathe me, they can’t take away the renown I’ve achieved in Franklin County by painting Old Glory on the side of my garage. And next year, they won’t be able to take away the renown I’ll get in Franklin County by planting a life-sized scrap-metal bison in my front yard.

Peace of Mind

I haven’t worried about money in at least 15 years. I go to bed every night and my biggest concern is the handful of lousy welds I performed on Billy Bob earlier in the day. And the reason for my unbelievably long streak of mental calm can be summed up in two words: financial security. Since 2006, I’ve been completely debt-free, and I’ve had at least a year of living expenses parked in a savings account.

Our woke overloads can’t redistribute an emergency fund and an absence of debt. Nor can our woke overlords redistribute the peace of mind that comes with a robust emergency fund and an absence of debt. So if you want as much serenity as possible under full-blown socialism, master your finances. Work, humble your appetite, and save. The future belongs to the mentally unburdened.

Final Thoughts

Okay, groovy freedomist, that’s all I got. What say you? Are my fears of full-blown socialism legit? Is my secret to “winning” in a full-blown socialist country legit? Let me know what you think when you get a chance. Peace.

* For those unfamiliar with this blog, paycheck freedom is defined as an income earner keeping 75 percent or more of his or her income. Once the combined cost of all levels of government exceeds more than 25 percent of a person’s income, that person no longer has paycheck freedom and is being subjected to paycheck slavery. Government doesn’t own the governed. That would be a gross violation of the 14th Amendment. It just owns the paychecks of the governed.